Valentine Survival guide.

Those of you of a more mushy disposition are probably already aware of tomorrow’s significance. Fine. Whatever. Some of us only just discovered today’s date and it’s implications an hour ago. So what to do? You could go out and try to find an open shop and buy something, but then the question is, what do you get? Roses? I’ve never quite understood the logic behind giving someone fresh flowers that will fade away, die and proceed to rot in a few hours, in significance of your affection.

Chocolate is an option… but then you have to get one of those expensive ones. You cant buy Kingsbite, unless your intention is to generate shock and annoyance. So… it has to be one of those foreign sounding ones from Geneva. But then, she’ll gobble it all up, and then what? You’ll have no evidence of your affection. And thus another dead end.

So now, your mind may drift to Brazilian hair – the gift that keeps on giving – however, unless you know any actual brazilians willing to shave on your account, why would anyone spend the equivalent of 48 bags of cement to prove a point? Bearing in mind that all that effort will evaporate by the 15th anyways.

So, solution? Feign ignorance. If she brings it up, go “nooo… that was today?!”

Or take the high road. Say to her “baby, i love how our relationship is so trancedental that we dont need fleeting materialistic elements to prove our afection for each other.” At this point, she cant sulk, because on one hand it’s a compliment – albeit a compliment that gets you off the hook – but one none the less. Bliss.

If all else fails, pick a good fight. Make it something that deserves at least a day’s worth of sulking. Be careful though. They see these things coming especially during this dangerous period. So you’ll have to find something natural, something she wont see coming. Like, walk in when she’s watching TV and go  “Baby, i thought we agreed you wouldnt watch TV3 news? Why do we keep having these issues! Why do you make this so difficult!” Then quickly storm out! Hopefully she wont recover till Friday. Be warned you have to do this before midnight tonight, otherwise she will catch on!

Goodluck!

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